| I hate |
[15 Jan 2009|12:36am] |
Feeling this way, and having too much life between you and I to address it at *this* moment.
Men that have emotional vaginias. Life's hard, get a helmet.
The fact that I said I'M A BITCH over and over, and people get pissed when I'm bitchy.
That he's seen all the most importiant bits of my life, save the three littlest ones, and I've yet to see any of his.
That he calls almost every time we're together. I mean really, doesn't *he* have a girlfriend too? K doesn't do that shit...
How I can't seem to NOT be tired.
How seriously all I want is to be curled up in his arms and not only can I NOT have that, I seem to have screwed it up, in one IM, that wasn't even to him.
Being cold.
Not knowing.
That MY mother knows more about my relationship than HIS mother does.
Poor posture.
Not being a better friend.
That Neil Patrick Harris is gay. I mean, have no issues with gay, but did you NEED NPH? Really?
Having long nails and never getting a manicure. Drives me batty.
Eva Longoria Parker
That one of my dearest friends lives in Cali, and I *hate* cali.
|
|
|
[10 Dec 2008|03:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
1. What time did you get up this morning?6:07
2. Diamonds or pearls? Yes.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Twilight. Tee hee.
4. What is your favorite TV show? BONESES, CRIMINAL MINDS, HOUSE, BIG BANG
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee is a food, yeah?
6. What is your middle name? Victoria. I kinda like it..isn't sing-songy.."E-li-sa-beth-vic-tor-ia"
7. What food do you dislike? Lima beans. Tomatos.
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? A Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack
9. What kind of car do you drive? A 10 speed bike!
10. Favorite sandwich? rare Hoo roast beast
11. What characteristic do you despise? People who aren't kind or considerate EVER. And whose who ignore real people in favor of their MMO Avatar.
12. Favourite item of clothing? MOOSEY PANTS
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Atm, London.
14. Favourite brand of clothing? Thrift is a brand, yes?
15. Where would you retire to? Uh...I'm not even thinking that far ahead in life.
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 21, 22 and 23 were all really groovy.
17. Favourite sport to watch? Quidditch
20. When is your birthday? 11.8.85
21. Are you a morning person or a night person?Night. The sun, it hurtses us.
22. What is your shoe size? 11. I know.
23. Pets? No, not allowed. eventhough Nick and Rox have a fucking menagerie.
24. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with us? Sure. He bites. It's kind of awesome.
25. What did you want to be when you were little? Barbie.
26. How are you today? Stupidly giggly about said biter.
27. What is your favourite candy? really depends on my mood
28. What is your favourite flower? I like lots of flowers, but poppies are pretty high on the list atm
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? December 22nd
30. What’s your full name? Elisabeth Victoria Duckie Kittybeth Thomas. I know, right?
31. What are you listening to right now? The Bad Touch
32. What was the last thing you ate? Pizza. Now my mouth hurts. BRILLIANT
33. Do you wish on stars?mmhm
34. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? They don't make a crayon that's all the colors I am
35. How is the weather right now? Warm & sunny. YAY SUBTROPICS
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? Some loverly ppt
37. Favourite soft drink? every once in a bit I go for orance soda
38. Favourite restaurant? The Cheesecake Factory
39. Real hair colour? Reddish brown
40. What was your favourite toy as a child?All my little ponies and Minnie Mouse. Mom gave her away, and i shit you not, it scared me for life.
41. Hugs or kisses? Yes
42. Chocolate or Vanilla? What is this vanilla you speak of?
43. Coffee or tea? COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
45. When was the last time you cried? The other night
46. What is under your bed? Stuff and fuzz
47. What did you do last night? Coffee
48. What are you afraid of? still things. 2012
49. Salty or sweet? Satly, as of late
50. How many keys on your key ring? 1
51. Favorite day of the week?FRIDAY
52. If you can choose your talent, what would it be? more artistic talent
53. Do you make friends easily? Yes. People love me. It's because I'm awesome.
Playlist I need to put back on my lil stoner:
Idina Menzel - here
MIA - paper planes
Britney Spears - soda pop
Dave Matthews Band - tripping billies
Billie Piper - Honey to the Bee
Arcade Fire - no cars go
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere over the rainbow / What wonderful world
Micheal Buble - Everything
Blue October - into the ocean
Deep Blue Something - Breakfast
Sissor Sisters - i can't decide
Kansas - carry on wayward son
Sheryl Crow - love is free
Lacuna Coil - Heaven's a Lie
Shiny Toy Guns - rocketship
Goldfinger - 99 red balloons
Dexter Freebish - leaving town
Eve 6 - inside out
Smashing Pumpkins - Ava Adore
Ashley Tisdale - Kiss the girl
|
|
| Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee |
[25 Nov 2008|02:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Ticked/Offended |
] |
Can it be March yet? Really? Please?
No.
Okay, how about Friday? Friday I can deal with.
Unless presented with a damn good reason, I refused to put on pants or shoes Saturday.
Yes, Roxie, I need the date rape lecture at 23. Thanks so much for that. Really.
*headdesk*
I miss Gee. In small random ways I miss my mom. It's a very off day.
It can be hugs time now?
They don't make enough eyeliner for all the gothy emoness that I am right now.
|
|
| Just like heaven... |
[24 Nov 2008|04:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cure, The |
] |
I must've been asleep for days... Used to love:
Relientk
Pepsi
Mocha lattes
Tim Burton's Batman only
Dramionie
Snow
Dogma
The GOP
Used to hate:
Brussles Sprouts
Asparagus
Bike rides
James
Drarry
socks
gay rights
shades of grey
Still love:
Pop music
Coffee
Harry Potter
Tie dye
|
|
| Cinderella. Eh eh eh. |
[15 Nov 2008|11:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
STG |
] |
I don't mind; you're someone that ain't mine
But someone that I'll get
Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”
And you don't know how hard I’ve tried
To convince myself that I could easily forget
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." ~Abraham Lincoln
But you let this feeling here inside me
One that never fails to find me
"Little by little we human beings are confronted with situations that give us more and more clues that we aren't perfect." ~Fred Rogers
On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day...
I won't lie; I still can say that I
Admit we went too far
And you won't see me change my mind
But I really wish that I
Could forget the way you are
But you let this feeling here inside me
The battle in my mind still fights me
On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day...
I can see that you're not beside me
But I still feel you shine inside of me
They should really carry pumpkin ale year round. Really. Also, if there's a Shoe of Doom™, is there also a Stiletto of Angst? Just wondering. Also, if you bake them before Thanksgiving, are they still "Christmas" cookies.
|
|
| I never update this. |
[05 Oct 2008|03:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
But same old same old, I suppose.
Current playlist:
(I get by) With A Little Help From My Friends
Hot N Cold
Bycicle
Coin Operated boy
Can't Hurry Love
Let it be.
Demons Die
Rocky Racoon
When You're Evil
Slytherin Pride
Rainy Monday
No Cars Go
Gone Fishing
|
|
|
[22 Jun 2008|05:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Shiny Toy Guns |
] |
I wish we were Rocketship. And sometimes we are.
Sometimes we are more like I Promise You Walls.
But we're always Stripped, and I love it.
|
|
| Save Dollars @ Hollers |
[21 Jun 2008|05:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Shiny Toy Guns - WAP |
] |
Seriously, please don't fall in love with me. Anyone ever.
Except *you*. You know who you are.
Also, sometimes I love living a generational cliche. Like right now.
|
|
| Lift up the reciver I'll make you a believer |
[04 May 2008|02:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours" |
] |
There ups and downs to having a Personal Jesus.
Ups:
Always there. Magical (erm...God-given?) ability to make you feel beautiful and loved.
Unlike biblical Messiahs, your own Personal Jesus says things like "sup sexy?"
Amazing ability to understand what the other person means in conversation, as oppose to what they say.
Someone who understands your curly haired woes
Someone to feel superior with, simply because you were born better than the masses.
Downs:
Personal Dieties of any kind tend to have kinks in their user interface. Think Linux from hell. Sometimes it's better just to enter a direct command prompt.
Being that he's a Messiah in his own mind, your Personal Jesus may lack enthusiasm over your mortal triumphs, no matter how awesome. Such as breaking into a Dodge Neon via the moon roof. With a broom. At 2 am.
And it's our God forsaken right to be loved loved loved...
|
|
| Take me away... |
[30 Mar 2008|03:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pop/crack |
] |
Just to clarify... I would look like sex on legs in a Black Fedora, with red lips, thanks.
Also..why do thin lipped women wear red lipstick? It's like..drawing attention to the fact that they're thin. I do not understand this.
Miley Cyrus makes music that is pure mental crack.
I need to find someway to sit underwater with a Lollipop and an MP3 player.
Nothing like doing crunches for 5 minuets without stopping after an hour cardio to make you want to vomit. Oh the joys of being a fat chick. If I start taking diet pills, I want no goddam lecutres, mmkay?
I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine...
|
|
| I notice she's your lover but she's nowhere near your heart... |
[22 Feb 2008|07:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious and unwell |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
4000 degrees kelvin |
] |
I feel like ass. Damn uterus.
[19:14] BuddingRose85: I seriously hope they go out to dinner
[19:14] shadowlifting: haha
[19:14] BuddingRose85: that would be like..oh..two hours
[19:15] shadowlifting: better than nothing
[19:15] BuddingRose85: it's not that they're annoying or anything, i just want to be alone
[19:16] shadowlifting: yeah, i know what you mean
[19:18] BuddingRose85: okay no, I don't want to be alone, I want to be held, and I want quiet. But that's not going ot happen. So, alone would be good.
[19:19] shadowlifting: that^
Got my stuff back from Tiffany. That was...fine, I suppose. She still has my sketchbook which makes me want to throw things. And no, I don't believe she isn't lying. woo.
Oh god oh god I feel like shit.
|
|
| everybody's gonna love today, gonna love today. |
[16 Feb 2008|10:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
John Williams |
] |
There's something deeply satisfying about having paint on your clothes. Or to be wearing your ''painting'' clothes.
I just started my first ''real'' canvas piece. Spend the afternoon sketching it out. *crosses fingers* I really just hope I don't hate it at the end.
Talking to Kimberlina, Justin, James Rox and Jason all at the same time. I love all these people.
Have a gloriously blessed weekend y'all.
Love love me.
|
|
| Morning coffee |
[15 Feb 2008|11:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
|
|
| You may say I'm a dreamer |
[14 Feb 2008|02:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Music of my Heart |
] |
I lived in stories but inside I kept a mystery
I was a starling
Nobody’s darling
Flying in perfect circles
Just for company
And now I’m ready to be
Extraordinary
I think I'm old enough now that if people don't respect me, they shouldn't be in my life. I will change for people I love, because we're all constantly changing and trying to be better people. I won't, however, belittle myself. I can honestly say thank you for the time we had together, and I do wish you well. I just wish you away from me.
Corgi's are the best dogs ever.
Austin's was great tonight, we made silly valentines. It was good to get out. I figured out what I'm going to do with one (maybe two) of my currently blank canvases.
God it was a hard day though. You know those days that are hard not because of anything external, but because of internal things? Choices that must be made? Yeah, today was hard. There will probably be harder days soon. But I have peace. And that, I think, is good.
Does growing up ever get easier? No, I suppose not. I suppose the thing to do is keep one's head up and enjoy the rain on your face.
I'm blogging a lot. Sorry y'all...heart heavy and all that jazz.
|
|
| I wrote this in notepad from 5- 6 am. |
[09 Feb 2008|02:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pet Shop Boys <3 |
] |
Dear you,
I'm sorry, but if you insist on calling me to whine at me about your latest bout of bad dating choices, I'm going to call the current bitch a bitch (cunt, whore, user, ugly, bloody mothfucking hypocrite who probably thinks she's ''hardcore''etc) in whatever format I choose. WHen you point out where I've been wrong about any of your past girlfriends, or how this one isn't really a bad person and didn't really lie and and break your heart, I'll reconsider.
I'm sorry okay? I've heard the same story for years now. YEARS. You keep dating the same girl with a different face. And you keep giving her more and more of your heart. Please understand that personally, I'd probably not hate her, but she has treated one of the dearst people in my life like shit. YOU think and feel as if this is okay. Fine. I however, do not. And if a guy treated me the way ANY of these women have treated you, you would put the fuckers head on a plate.
If you don't want to hear my comments on your current..whatever, then you have two options 1} Stop telling me! God! You know it fucking rips my heart out that we're so far apart. Rubbing it in my face? NOT HELPING. Do you think of this
when you tell me these things? Do you think I enjoy watching you set yourself up to get hurt? Do you have any idea how much it hurts to watch you walk in circles? I'm sorry I couldn't stay on Kent Island with you. You're one of the only two things I miss. I'm sorry I had to move on past KI, and the shit that happened to me, and my parents...but love, I've been waiting four years for you to catch up.
Option 2} Stop telling me. We can just go our seperate ways, because obviously, I can't deal with your bad choices and you have issues dealing with my mouth and my passion.
EXCEPT OH WAIT, we've tried that, what, four times now? Yeah, it's worked amazingly well, obviously.
I miss you. I miss your mumbling that drives me nuts and your random moments of sweetness even when you're pissed. I miss the way your arms feel around me, the shape of your hands and your laugh. I miss the way you hold me
when I'm so tired I start to cry. And no one bites like you. At least no one I've found, and I've tested a few, thankyouverymuch. And oh god, the smell of your sheets on a summer afternoon.
I wish you knew me now. I wish you saw me as the hippy batshit crazy completely geeky girl I am. I want to take you to the art store and downtown and buy you a boba tee and show you the silly things that make me happy now.
How different yet the same I am.
And I want to know you. I don't anymore, at least not like I used to. What random parts of your day make your eyes light up? Do you still stand the same way when you're really tired? Do you still like Subway best?
I just...don't know anymore. I'm so tired, and confused and hurt and frustrated and ...*sigh*
I love you.
Steven is going to kill me when he reads this. Or you. Probably you. But I'll get the lecture.
Dear Best friend,
Yeah, you're my best friend. Theorticaly I have more then one, but I decited you were getting the title a few years ago and you're fucking stuck with it, deal.
You compelete fairy, I love you so much. You are such a bitch, and I love that in life. You will never back down to make me happy, but you will go get
funnle cake mix at 12 am and rescue me from my parents. I think that deserives the title, don't you?
So please understand I say this with as much love as possable: Please start getting your life together. You keep running in circles and you're miserable
and I HATE IT. I know you're trying. I'm just...fuck, I'm afraid of both of you being stuck on KI forever. I know you say no, but...well. I'm the
precog here, remember?
I don't want you to be 35 and not married, moving in with your parents again, okay? And when you *do* get married, I want a new dress. A fancy one.
I don't care if it's two men, at a wedding someone needs a fancy damn dress!! We can share the Tiara.
Dear Isle of Kent,
Just fucking sink already.
Dear girlfriend,
Awkward much? Oh well, if I *have* to have a girlfriend (being that I'm stright), I'm glad it's at least you. And when we're both married to handsome, rich men, just add a bottle of patrone and VIOLA! Instant affair.
Your boyfriend sounds like Harry Potter. I'm cute as hell. Aren't you just the luckiest fucking Bi kid to ever live?
Dear myspace,
Make you blog posting window better, or give us a fucking pop out option, okay?
Dear Mom,
You know, the thought of knowing you as a person, instead of as my mom, scares teh shit out of me. Let's be honest, you had some uh...issues, raising me.
Nobody's perfect, and I wasn't an easy kid, it wasn't really your fault blah blah I get it. Fine. not my point.
I'm afraid I won't like you. At all. You've overly Christian and...last time I saw you, very unhappy. And both your kids have serious mental issues. Yeah josh,
the overweight 11 year old? He has anger issues. And apparently has already leanred how to hate.
But I digress. We all learned how to hate at church.
Anyway, I think my bigger fear is that I might start to like you, and pity you more then I'm angry at you. And what can I do with that? My heart broke for you
most of my life. The anger is ...manageable. It dosen't make me sob, it dosen't make me hate myself. It just makes me avoid you.
Yep, I'm not talking to you because I'm scared. This seems to be a pattern in all my relationships, so don't feel to bad.
Dear Poodie man,
I miss you more then you can possibly fathom. I'd like to say I think about you ever day, and it's true you cross my mind, but I push the thoughts away. I can't
think about you. It hurts. Picturing your face makes me cry. There's so much...years of crap between us. Lies, unfulfilled promises. I don't really care,
But I'm so afraid you do.
Dear White Pastor of the Church I grew up in,
I hate you. And I have damn good reason to, as does every kid that was raised in ''your church''. You are an evil man. Even if the bible is true, by it's
standards, you will still burn in hell.
Sad little king of a sad little hill.
Dear James,
Maybe I just want to get you drunk for evil evil carnal reasons. Or maybe I just want your walls down so I can pick your brain apart. It is, after all, my
favorite toy.
Dear God,
I'm still really confused. Your people still really suck. I want answers, but I don't want them rushed. Are you waiting patiently for me? Seriously?
I wonder. Also, your people really suck. David, for example, is supposedly a ''good'' christian. Um...no thanks. Those answers...they can take their time
if you can take care of me until they get here. If we're going to have a relationship, I want it to be real, not something pre-arranged by my parents
or foolish ideas about you, mmmkay? If you're as real as they say you are, If you love me and want me as much as you supposedly do, then a love of that
kind is worth a bit of patience, I'd think.
Dear little brother,
I worry about you more then you could know. You're so mean for a little kid! Where did you learn that it's okay to hate people like that? To love darkness?
To hate yourself?
Oh wait, the same place I did. Another gold star for Woodlawn Baptist Church. High fives y'all.
Dear Jeremy Troy,
I don't think you fully comprehend the bright spot you are in my life. Or how amazing of a person you are to know. Even if we never see each other face to face
again in this life, I am changed because I have known you. My life is richer.
Remember how awesome and peaceful it was to drive through cornfeilds under a perfect sky? How it was real and touchable and simple and amazing? That is how
you are to me. Real and amazing and simply good.
Dear canvas,
You've been hanging blank on my wall for almost 4 months now. Everytime I go to paint you, you whine and say no no no, you aren't sure that's
what's right for you. You're and odd size and special. I wish you'd hurry up and decide what's to become of you.
Dear Nick,
That hug was awesome, thank you.
Dear JK Rowling,
Snape is the most amazing charater ever. I'm not pissed that you killed him, or about how he died or anything. I get that it had to be that way, and
to let him live would've cheapened him. I'm dealing with his death, I'm over the denial.
But Harry/Ginny? Seriously? If you were going to totally Fannon the ending, couldn't it have been Drarry fanon? If Dumbledore is gay, why can't Harry be?
And Dray...we all know he's a ponce. heh.
AS/S forever. CANNON.
Dear Mishu,
You little orange cat, you have stolen my soul, I'm sure of it. Probably hit it with your collection of my hair ribbons and small shiny things.
Why aren't you sleeping with me?
Dear hardcore in your face punk girls,
You aren't cute. Real adult men don't want to settle down and have babies with you. Tone it down please.
Dear Nola,
I like you more then I thought I did. Go you. You have any idea how high a compliment that is from me?
Dear John, Paul, George and Ringo,
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart forever. I don't understand how you read the hearts of so many people through out the ages, but you did. From the need to have a pop song, to the almost worshipfull moments. Your words will echo through eternity, Though we currently still have religion and war, the world is a better place because the four of you put your music into it. Thank you. You are immortal in your music and in our hearts, all of you.
|
|
| It's an Eyeore day |
[17 Jan 2008|08:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
So J is knee deep in school, and damn do I miss him. But in happier new, I've been talking to the other J, who I love a lot. <3
|
|
| The Angels have the Phone Box. |
[16 Jan 2008|02:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
I think this summer I am going to teach myself to oil pant, on canvas. Woo!
Anyone care to join?
|
|
| Patiently impatient |
[06 Jan 2008|01:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Johnny Cash - "A boy names Sue" |
] |
I went shopping today. And I got new panties. Yep. They're cute as hell. And two new pairs of jeans. And a new black top. Cause let me tell you, I needed another black top. Anyway, new panties are so cute I might actually wear them. I need to watch "Aladdin" again. Goddess I love that film. I can listen to "A Whole New World" for 3 hours before I'm sick of it.
So just try and relax, yeah cool it
Fall apart in my backyard
'Cause let me tell you something little britches
If you act like that bee acts, uh uh
You're working too hard
And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true
The bare necessities of life will come to you
|
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